Thursday, April 29, 2010

Sports Game News...well, kinda...

As I was perusing the internet, I came across a great bit of info that confirms that retro sports games are on the way back. Tecmo has brought an all new Tecmo Bowl, entitled: Tecmo Bowl Throwback to XBox Live Arcade and Playstation Network. Also, with the NBA playoffs in full swing, its only appropriate for EA Sports is slowly letting gameplay footage of their Wii-exclusive remake of NBA Jam trickle out to the public. If you were a fan of the Billion dollar grossing original game, you'll be pleased to know that this game is very true to the Arcade original.

In other news, Mexican wrestling promotion Lucha Libre AAA is set to release it's own game later this year. I just hope it plays better than the trailer looks, cause it's kinda ugly right now. Now moving from fake fighting to more authentic fare; UFC Undisputed 2010 is set to release pretty soon with a beefed up roster, including system specific UFC Legends. It looks like it might be pretty cool...I hope it's a little more precise this time around.

Muramasa-The Demon Blade: VanillaWare Loves You

Monday, April 26, 2010

Games To Jerk Off To: Porn on the Atari 2600

Back in the early 80's, Independent game publishers were all over the place. One such publisher was Mystique, and their console of choice was the Atari 2600. Interesting thing about Mystique's games, they were essentially porn, and as such were only sold at porn shops. some of the most weel known of Mystique's games were Custer's Revenge and Beat em and Eat em. The former involved guiding a naked, fully erect General Custer past a flurry of arrows en route to a tied up Indian woman who he proceeds to have sex with. The latter is a knockoff of the classic Activision game Kaboom, where you guide a woman back and forth across the bottom of a screen in an effort to catch the knuckle children fired off from a guy jacking off on a roof. These games might sound like fun, but they featured crappy graphics(even for the 2600) and even worse control. In all honesty, there was very little that was arousing about them, but damn they make a pretty funny joke today. There were other porn games made for they 2600, but after the video game industry collapse in 1983, most of the independent companies (Mystique included) shut down. and there was pretty much no more porn on the 2600. So the next time somebody starts bitching about how perverse some video games are now, remind them that you never had to go to a porn shop to cop a game, but somehow they have 2600 games that they still hide from their wives because they did.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

You Planning On Smoking, Play These Games!!

and just for shits and giggles...I present some vids from

HAPPY 4/20!!!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Fire Pro Wrestling: The Best Wrestling Game You May Have Never Played

I had always heard of the Fire Pro Wrestling series from Japan, but I honestly didn't have much experience with it until a bootleg of Fire Pro Wrestling D for the Sega Dreamcast crossed my path. After that intial meeting, I was hooked, but wasn't quite ready to back away from THQ's venerable line of WWE games. It wasn't until I stumbled across a US version of Fire Pro Wrestling Returns for the Playstation 2 that I rediscovered the greatness this series has had since the PC Engine(TurboGrafx 16). For the uninformed, Fire Pro Wrestling was originated by Human Entertainment in 1989. it enjoyed immense success in Japan, but never saw light outside of Japanese systems until the series was transferred from Human to Spike in 2000. The series became popular among wrestling fans because it's huge level of customization, with fans creating painstaking replications of their favorite wrestling organizations and wrestlers. Another thing that has made this game popular is the use of wrestler likenesses without using their names, thus freeing the developers from the sticky business of paying for licenses. There were only three Fire Pro games released in the US, two were on the Game Boy Advance, and the third was the last wrestling game I may buy. Fire Pro Wrestling Returns has a rabid following among gamers and wrestling fans who are tired of being told that WWE has to be the only game in town. The old school graphics conceal an amazingly deep video game with amazing controls, and limitless roster options. the only downside is the lack of a career mode, but since you can book entire shows in the Match Maker mode, you kinda don't need one. If you have a PS2 laying around, and don't mind the learning curve, you should check Fire Pro Wrestling Returns out. You can probably cop it for $10, so there really isn't an excuse to not own it.

This vid illustrates what some fans have been able to do with the game.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Bullet Hell: Sweet Sweet Torture!!

I've been a gamer for a long time, and I can be pretty jaded with a lot of gaming experiences. One thing I can always count on is the joy I feel when playing a good Shoot Em Up. I'm not talking about Halo or Modern Warfare, but I am referring to Gradius, Raiden, DoDonPachi, and a host of other, beautifully brutal pieces of digital art(yes, I call video games digital art sometimes). Among the vast sea of Shoot Em Ups out there is a sub division called "Bullet Hell", and they are some of my favorites. As the name would suggest, "Bullet Hell" Shooters pit a player against almost screen filling waves of enemy projectiles. A combination of patience, good reflexes, and a degree of mental toughness is needed by anyone wanting to jump into this river of pain. There's no real way to cheat your way through a game like DoDonPachi, since cheat codes for invincibility don't exist. The brutal difficulty is probably why this genre of game isn't really popular in America. Thank God for emulators and import games. If you're into a high concentration of challenge with your games, look up a few "Bullet Hell" Shoot Em Ups for you collection.

Dear Mr. Iwata...

The following is a letter I'm feeling compelled to send to Nintendo's CEO every day I hear no real word of a Kid Icarus sequel:

Dear Mr. Iwata,

I have supported your company since the tender age of 8. Instead of getting a TurboGrafx 16 for Christmas that year, I implored my parents to get me an NES. I remember a few months after getting my NES, I rented Kid Icarus, and I was hooked. The difficulty and therefore the reward for conquering the challenges within, made me as much of a fan as I was of Castlevania's hardcore gameplay. A Gameboy version of the game was created, and that was it. Now, I'm not sure why Nintendo gets off on torturing fans of their games, but if we can get a new Zelda every few years, then dammit, I don't see why there can't be a new Kid Icarus game at least once every system generation. Look, I'm not picky, and as long as the game isn't a steaming pile, I'm sure I'll dig it. Even if you don't want to make a big, ridiculous spectacle of a game for the Wii, you can at least put a re-imagined version of the original on WiiWare. At least that would be something.

A Frustrated Gamer

P.S.: Team Ninja just wrapped up a Metroid game for you, maybe you could get them on it, but don't make the thing hyper bloody if you do. Thanks.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Top Ten Games That Really Need Sequels/Remakes

So, I was looking at my Video Game collection and I realized a lot of the games I grew up playing would be great on this newer, more powerful hardware. So, I figured I'd slap together a quick list. Keep in mind that this list is in no particular order.

10. Mutant League Football: One of Electronic Arts' greatest triumphs was a football game not called Madden. The game features a lot of humorous little tweaks, like bribe and kill the ref plays, exploding balls, and on field hazards. A great game that was way ahead of its time.

9. Strider: Capcom's action masterpiece saw an incredible sequel in 2000, but many didn't play the PS1 version of the game, and even fewer played the arcade version. a sequel should definitely be put in the works, and it should use the SF4 art style...

8. Panzer Dragoon: The best thing Sega did during the Saturn years, and one of the most obscure, yet great games of the last system generation. While the Xbox sequel came and went without much fanfare, this series deserves better than it got in terms of promotion and sales.

7. Intelligent Qube: A little known PS1 puzzle game that deserves the Blu Ray Treatment on PS3...or at least put the damn thing on Playstation Network.

6. Double Dragon: While the original has seen life on Xbox Live Arcade, it's a crime that such a testament to old school arcade gaming can't get a remake.

5. Kid Icarus: Nintendo kinda teased us with the possibility of a sequel to the legendary NES platformer by putting the main character, Pit, in Super Smash Brothers Brawl. However, it's been a while, and we haven't gotten anything yet. I'll look for this like I'm waiting on Dr. Dre to finish Detox.

4. Earthworm Jim: One of the brightest lights of the 16-bit generation was Shiny Entertainment's pet worm. a well woven, albeit irreverent storyline, great gameplay, and a light sprinkling of fart jokes make this one a shoe in.

3. The Old School WWF Arcade Games: As much as I like Smackdown Vs. Raw, those old WWF arcade games made by Technos Japan are some of my favorite wrestling games, period. Get the rights to the source code and put current wrestlers in the games, then put them on the various download services...guaranteed sales.

2. Metalstorm: I reviewed this game before, so you know how I feel about it, but this game would be amazing wrapped in a 2010 graphical update. Keep the same tough gameplay and it will sell itself.

1. Battletoads:
There hasn't been a new Battletoads game since the arcade and Super Nintendo games were released in the early 90s. A recent series of Prank Videos has not only revived curiousity in the prospect of a remake/sequel, but it also begged the question: which system would it be on? Well, to answer that question, since Rare was the original creator of the game, it's a safe bet that it would be an Xbox 360 exclusive since Microsoft owns Rare now. we could get these, I'd be really happy as a gamer...thanks.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Download Services: Proof That Old School Games Still Have Life...

So, a few weeks ago, Capcom released Mega Man 10 to even more critical acclaim. A week or so later, Konami bestowed upon us the original PC Engine (TurboGrafx 16) version of Castlevania: Rondo Of Blood. Now I like the New, Shiny games just as much as the next guy, but there's something about the feeling I get when I see something old school has been released on XBox Live Arcade, Playstation Network, WiiWare, or Virtual Console. My favorite game genre, shoot em ups has seen new life because of these download services, to the point where Cave, the developer known for legendary shooters like Do Don Pachi, has decided to publish their next few games without regional coding. For the uninformed, that means it will be playable on any XBox 360 console. So, if you see a quality throwback game on your favorite system's online service, give it a might be rewarded.

Friday, April 9, 2010

The Ten Biggest "What Ifs" in Video Game History

I've been a Gamer as long as I can remember, and every now and then, I get this feeling that something promising just didn't pan out. What that in mind, I decided to share my top ten list of the biggest "What Ifs" in video game history.

10. What If the Apple Pippin had caught on as a viable game console? I mean, Steve Jobs doesn't screw up too often, but if they would have adjusted a few things, the pippin could have been an influential console.

9. What if EA Sports never got that NFL exclusivity? It was really convenient that EA got the NFL license on the heels of 2K Sports launching their NFL 2K5 game at $19.99, this took a big chunk of Madden's sales. Had they not gotten exclusivity...well, things would have been a helluva lot different.

8. What if Final Fantasy would have remained a Nintendo exclusive? Final Fantasy was supposed to be an exclusive title for Nintendo's 64 bit console, at that point called the "Ultra 64", but when Square realized how expensive their big game would be on a cartridge based system, they jumped ship to the upstart Sony Playstation. This wasn't the first tension between Sony and Nintendo, but I'll get into that later.

7. What if Sega was still making consoles? Sega has always made quality games, but since they left the console market, their offerings haven't all been that good. My theory is that stubborn pride won't let Sega put a good Sonic game on a Playstation.

6. What if those FMV games on the Sega CD were actually good? If those grainy abominations were good, we'd probably still be playing sequels to Night Trap...and nobody would benefit from that.

5. What if you actually had to know how to play guitar to play Guitar Hero? Honestly, we'd have gotten that Prince edition with the purple guitar by now. If you didn't know, he doesn't want you guys having his music in a video game, he wants you to learn how to play a guitar...

4. What if Street Fighter II never caught on? Capcom would have been okay, but I'm not sure about SNK, since the Neo Geo was known as a fighting game system. Those fighting games were by and large the spiritual offspring of SF II, and without it, SNK would have had to seriously readjust their plans.

3. What if EA would have bought out Take Two Interactive? If Take Two would have accepted the buyout offer from EA, most of the shelf space in your local video game store would be monopolized by games with the EA logo. Not a good look if you like options.

2. What if Sony and Nintendo didn't have that falling out in the 90s? If Sony and Nintendo could have come to an agreement on licensing, we would have gotten a CD add on for the Super NES in September 95, not the Sony Playstation. That, my friends, would have been huge.

1. What if the crash of 1983 never happened? Honestly, the crash was almost a blessing in disguise, a lot of companies making shitty games and consoles got phased out, and the ones capable of thriving survived. The market is in danger of another crash with more and more shovelware being pumped out. Quality at times takes a backseat to profits and if they aren't careful, small developers will once again take over the gaming market.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Treasure: They Build Legends...

So, back in 1992, a group of Konami employees decided to do their own thing and started a development house called Treasure, Co. Ltd. Over the years, Treasure has created titles that have been called the holy grails of gaming. From run and gun romps like Gunstar Heroes(which is one of my favorite games), to shoot em up epics like Ikaruga and Radiant Silvergun, Treasure pretty much delivers. I'm including a list of their work, mainly because ANYONE who claims to be a real gamer should play a minimum of five games from their catalog. Some of my personal favorites include: Gunstar Heroes (Genesis): it's equal parts Contra and Mega Man, and the formula works like a dream, Dynamite Headdy (Genesis): a game with intense action and a very quirky sense of humor, Ikaruga (Gamecube, Dreamcast, XBox Live Arcade): by far, one of the most brutally rewarding shoot em ups you'll ever play, and Stretch Panic (Playstation 2): a game so strange and so quirky it defies all logic at times, but you'll love it. Check the list, since some of these games are available on download services like Virtual console, PlayStation Network, and XBox Live Arcade.

Games developed by Treasure

Items marked with a "*" were not released in North America/Europe/Australia.

* List courtesy of

MetalStorm: Reason Enough To Get Another NES

There were a lot of must have games released for the Nintendo Entertainment System, and a lot of them were overlooked. one of those gems was a rather innovative action game from Irem called MetalStorm. What made Metal Storm cool was that it was the first game that gave a player control of the gravity around them. That, my friends, means that you can walk on ceilings, jump towards the floor, and "fall up" at points in the game. Don't get that twisted, though, cause MetalStorm is far from gimmicky. The control is tight, enemies can be tough, and the level design can lead to some pretty cool moments where you actually have to think before you jump. It's a great game that you can get for around $15 on eBay, and while it isn't on the Wii's Virtual Console yet, it will be soon.

Castlevania: The Only Vampire Story That Matters

Back in the mid 80s, Konami released a game called Castlevania and the rest was history. Over the next 20 years, The series became known for it's daunting challenge, level design, and tight control, but unfortunately, they have also, in my opinion, led to the rise of these cornball ass Vampire love stories that teenyboppers are sprung on lately. Let's be real for like two seconds; nobody gave a shit about Vampires like that after the old Bella Lugosi movies. Blacula couldn't even help make Vampires more than a cornball stereotype for Scooby Doo to catch. So, in my humble opinion, Castlevania can be credited to the world starting to pay attention to teen angst drivel like Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, that Twilight bullshit, or even True Blood should send thank you letters and emails to Konami and the estate of Bram Stoker, of whom the backstory is loosely based.

...That was my opinion. If you don't like it, build a bridge and get over it.